The Beginning

Starting this blog was not an easy decision for me. I was just plainly going to write a book about this first year and the many years after losing our sweet Nathan, but my mother suggested I blog about it instead and let the kids post pics and even take time to blog on here too...I'm still gonna write that book, but thought I'd try my hand at this first.  The weeks since Nathan's passing has been a time of adjustment for our family as we try and find support groups and finding what will be our new "normal" for our family. One never expects to be 30 and going through the worst possiable experience of her life. One no mother should have to endure. I'm living my worst nightmare, but we are surviving. I'm greatful for knowledge of the gospel and what that means for us when someone we love passes. My kids have hope during a time when all hope to most kids would or could seem bleak. My 6 yr old draws tons of pics of his brothers graveside and the tree we burried him under. He draws it sunny too. On the other side he's holding Jesus's hand. I probably have 50 or more of these beautiful drawings and it gives me hope that in the hard times of our loss he'll see that death is really a new beginning for our brother, son, and friend. We are whats left behind when someone we love leaves us, but we choose how we deal with that. We are choosing to celebrate Nathan. We have times of tears and sadness, but we are so blessed we were chosen to know and love Nathan. I've said before Nathan was yes my son, but we're all Heavenly Father's children...so really...Nathan was just mine on loan. We are not promised an amount of time we have with our children or really if we will even have children at all when we come to this earth. All I'm promised is if I do my part I'll see my son again. This knowledge gives me strength. I taught him everything I could to prepare him for his next mission when his time came, and I have complete faith that what I didn't teach him Heavenly Father will do the rest. What joy this brings me. Grief is a scary thing and its one thing that I'll be doing the rest of my life. But I'll endure it with dignity to where when I look back at this time we cried when we needed to and laughed when needed too and be forever greatful that I got the honor of being Nathan Garrett Dennis' mother. What an honor that has been and so look forward to the day when I'll see my sweet boy again and embrace him and say how I have missed and loved you every day. My vision for this blog is that it turns out to be a way of healing for us. We look forward to taking this journey with you..