3 months and a deployment later...

As you can tell by the title today is in fact 3 months since we lost our Nathan...its been a bittersweet day today. We decided to stay home from church and do the cemetery take flowers to son and brother. Mostly just stay out of the spotlight. Everyone knows what today is and being asked how are you doing and sympathy looks were just not what I needed today. I needed a day to b one with how I feel. Yes the weather here was rainy and all that went to the funeral remember it was indeed rainy that day. So somber it was. Natalie made comment in the car on the way to see Nathan the rain made her think that since its been gloomy here the past few days it made her feel that God was sad. Nick said the clouds are crying cause Nathans not here. And in fact it does feel like that sometimes...the universe is sad. Were picking up the pieces of ourselves and bringing them into our new ones. Geoff left Tues and the kids did well. We hung our yellow ribbons up that we do every deployment. I got a sitter for the kids so that they didn't have to go to Ft. Hood with me and say goodbye again. Geoff has landed in Romania and will be there till tomorrow mid day i think and off to his next destination for final arrival in Kabul soon. Long journey to get to where he'll ultimately end. Communication will b sparse the next few days so I'll update as I know where he is. Again, I can't believe its been 3 months since I've heard Nathan's laugh and seen his smile. This for me is when it settles in and my heart exhales reminding myself to breathe. You forget to breathe some days. We are slowly smiling more and finding ourselves laughing often. So, this to me is reassurance that the kids can make it through the deployment and I can make it another 3 months without my son...which I imagine every 16th of the month possibly years ahead I will post reminding myself that I made a promise...to celebrate Nathan all the days of my life. Some times I'm finding that our celebrations are with crying and avoiding crowds, other times its looking at pictures.. laughing, remembering what once was. No parties with cake and ice cream here but we do push forward thanking our Heavenly Father that our family was blessed beyond imagine with an experience of a lifetime. We had an absolute angel in our home our very midst for 8 years.