Nick's Road..

Today's been one of mixed feelings as I reflect back and head into a new day. Finished up birthday shopping for Nick since his party is tomorrow and his actual birthday on Sunday. He's an amazing kind of kid. He specifically wanted to invite a few of Nathan's friends from church and school to his party. Grant it they played with him to since Nick was always tagging along, but he insisted they get an invite. Even when I mentioned that it would take away from his friends..since he could only have 12 this yr...but he didn't care. How excited he was to invite them. He also insisted on a balloon release..where we'll have each of the kids write a message to Nathan or just whatever they want on the balloon with Sharpies then release them in the sky at the same time. I'm not sure how he'll feel actually doing this but he's excited none the less. Its been a tough few days as he's gearing up for his birthday and its all we talk about right now...he's lost his best friend and wants him to attend...it breaks my heart that I can't give him that one wish on his very special day. Oh...how my heart weeps for him. It's his day of course and I don't want our loss of not having his brother with us any longer over shadow how we feel about having our Nick 6 years ago. The day each of my kids were born was the happiest days of my life and that's what our focus is this weekend. We just have to keep that in prospective and still be respectful that we're all grieving and tears are okay to be shed. Tomorrow's party I hope will be one that we're all glad we did even though it's not even been a month and a party seems a bit soon, but I have to teach my children that LIFE is one to celebrate and we can't hid or stop it. It moves along and so must we...its okay to feel lost, confused, and just plainly overwhelmed, but we must go on living. Our loved ones would INSIST on it. I know that tomorrow Nathan will be watching us from his new home on high and celebrating with us for his love for his little brother was evident in everything he did. He was his protector, room mate... and now his guardian angel.