Dream a Little Dream

I've not been as lucky as the kids on dreaming of my sweet Nathan. Its almost caused me to be a little jealous, but everyone that knows me well knows that I suffer from insomnia so I require an ambien to fall asleep. I've been plagued with this for sometime now..never really had a problem accepting this condition more than now. I hear all the time that loved ones can sometimes come in dreams. Now doesn't that suck for me since I'm almost in a somewhat sedated state to sleep so who's gonna remember a dream? NOT ME! A little bitter about that..But this AM after I got the kids off to school I came back to bed to see if I could get back to sleep for a few more hours. I guess at some point I did indeed drift off as I was listening to my ipod..as i sit here typing this it was the most REAL thing I've ever experienced in a dream. Find myself sitting here feeling some sort of relief that I had a small glimpse of Nathan. The dream took me to a hospital..a hospital I haven't a clue where or what the name was. But I was in a crowded hall just looking around wondering why on earth I'm in a hospital hall. As I turned to my left I saw a boy of about 16 on a hospital bed sitting straight up..He was blond hair and the most familiar cow lick..It only took me a moment to realize this boy that was now an almost grown man sitting there looking back at me was Nathan..not a boy of 8 but a man of 16-17. Had teenage features but had manly stature. I was shocked and it took a moment to register this was Nathan I have to stop these people from dragging him by me. I need my son! I began running towards him with my hands out stretched so I could grab a hold of him once I got to him. I was was yelling Stop Nathan make them stop...Running practically over people the bed comes to a halt as I was running I remember taking a breath like realizing that ok its stopping....When I get there he's smiling at me the biggest 8 yr old grin you have ever see and tears just begin to fall...the come in puddles. My vision at that moment gets blurry because of the tears but i soon see he's reaching out to me to hold me....I fall in his arms and while he holds me I cry....oh i cry so hard..I don't say anything but "OH my sweet Nathan". I then realize my grown son is holding me as I cry. The moment was quick I look up into his eyes and the smile that was on his face is now grown to his eyes. I then awake in tears I mean bawling....I had a small moment with my son. I can't tell you how my heart feels right now. I'm in tears now as I replay this dream back as it comes to like a movie. I just rewind that embrace. He held me...Just like I have done a million times for him when he was hurt or sad. I've spent most of the morning in tears over this, but grateful I got to have this. I have felt like more and more that he's not around as much. I guess as our lives busy with Geoff leaving and the kids beginning school were not able to stop and reflect over our Nathan..So as I begin my day I end this with a prayer in my heart of thanks and gratitude... for letting my dream surround me with my sons spirit that I didn't recognize that I needed....