Meet The Teachers...

Today we got to meet the kiddos teachers...looks like our family is blessed this school year with some awesome teachers. I look forward to working with them this year to insure the kids are successful this school year despite our summer. Nick has been blessed with Mrs. Geertz. Now I have heard about this wonderful lady since Natalie was in Kindergarden. We lucked out with Mrs. Carson 2x in a row. When Nick went last year he had the honor of getting Mrs. Saul which we so luved. She was excellent with him was just what he needed for him to get to where he is now. At the end of last year he had not progressed as far as we'd have liked so I was faced with the hard decision to flag him like crazy and send him to first grade praying he does well or hold him back and let him get the chance to grasp what he missed concept wise. After many hours of prayer and thought I decided to hold him back. Was not an easy decision only because I know how much my little man wanted to advance with his friends, but I knew it was the best decision...and after Nathan's passing I now know why the decision kept me here. He would have had an even harder year this year without his brothers luv and encouragement. Nathan was his biggest helper and would've helped him along. I didn't know at the time Nathan wouldn't be apart of us this school year obviously so I'm glad I made the decision I did. Makes so much sense now. The Lord's hand in that decision I see now. He met her this morning as we were invited to a special open house from 11-12pm. That way we could get a little more time with her and hash out our concerns with him going forward to this year. I think shes gonna be a great fit for him. Natalie's home room teacher is Mrs. Bruce..she was happy with that choice so we are too. She was given the chance to ask questions and of course she goes blank doesn't even get one thing asked. Well, she was just nervous cause she was put on the spot. Let her warm up and she'll come right out of that shell. But Mrs. Bruce seems like she'll be an awesome teacher for her. I try to stay pretty involved with the kids school work. Natalie also got picked to do Safety Patrol the first 9 weeks of school. I know she wanted to that last year, but according to Natalie everyone wants a chance at doing it so it gets filled quickly. She expressed to Coach Newberry last year that she would like to do it and was told she'd be put on the list for this year. What a surprise...this just made her day. I am super excited for her. Something for her to look forward to everyday for the first 9 weeks and teach her a little about responsibility and doing work. After meeting with both kids teachers I wanted to swing by Mrs. Stewarts class room which was Nathan's teacher last year. He always swing in his old teachers room to say hey on meet the teacher night. After all it was one of his favorite things of starting a new year. Getting school supplies, backpacks, and seeing who the teacher and kids in his class were. First to be dressed and ready to get to the school. Well, we just missed her as the teachers had a 12pm meeting so I thought I'd swing by later when I dropped the kids school supplies off later at the normal meet the teacher times that afternoon. Well, I did just that i dropped each kids supplies off and headed on down to her room. I tell you I had mixed feelings about doing this because I swear I could see Nathan's smiling face from last year when we did this and met her. How excited he was to go in and see the kids from the long summer he hadn't seen and visit with and take time to get to know who'd be teaching him. Grant it he was shy so getting him to introduce himself was always hard, but he did enjoy getting to see everyone. This time she was in there and I stepped in and she was chatting with one of her students so I waited my turn to let her know I was there. Upon seeing me she said "hello" and I said I couldn't not swing by and say hello as Nathan would be so doing. And I gave her a hug. She asked how Natalie and Nick were doing and said well. She said she was gonna dedicate either Star Wars or Diary of a Wimpy kid to Nathan and then donate it to the library. Ohhh he would so luv that. Especially Diary of a Wimpy Kid. I burried him with a copy of that book so that would be awesome. Upon hearing that I wanted to bust and cry just rite then. I think my heart even stopped as I saw a huge smile that Nathan would've had. I then had to hurry and say goodbye I knew in 2.5seconds I was gonna loose it. I was breathing so hard in and out every breath just mentally telling myself a few more feet and I could spring a leak with the tears if I needed to. By the time I reached the door to outside the side entry of the school where I'd parked It was hazy and hard to see the tears were beginning to fall as I couldn't stop them at that point. I reached the car shut the door and covered my eyes and sobbed....so hard i couldn't catch my breath. Tears just fell in buckets. Not understanding at all in that moment WHY this is happening to me....Just why? Please someone....anyone...please just tell me why I have to go on  with a gaping whole in my chest that I'll have to figure out how to temparily patch the wound that seems to big to patch for the rest of my life. Knowing that at any given moment that patch could dissolve, therefore leaving the wound exposed. Exposed for all the world to see and leaving me with having to again process the WHY's. Nothing will ever fill this void of my son so a patch is the best I'll ever be able to do to sort of mend it to a point where we can survive moving forward one day at a time. I have faith that as the days turn into years this wound that is my heart will get smaller over time to where maybe a stitch will keep it held together. This is my prayer for today...