Memorial to Remember

What can a mother say about a day like today? I don't think anything can properly describe what a day like today does to someone especially a mother. I in some ways I was looking forward to ordering Nathan's headstone memorial..crazy huh? A part of me had thought once it was done it would be like a form of closure for me. Grant it the process hasn't come full circle yet so I can't say for sure, but I can say that right now this minute I have NONE! No closure. I have what feels like a morbid sense of reality it seems like today. I looked at books that had pictures of headstones most of the morning and said "yea that 's cute or nice or he'd hate that" just feels kinda sick. I dunno...I did pick what I think is going to one Memorial to Remember and I can't wait to get the concept back and the price quote to see if in fact my wild idea is under or right at budget. One can only pray..I do not want to go back to the drawing board with this. I just want to see it come to pass. Somedays I wonder why I even care how big/small or design this memorial becomes because honestly I'm not sure how much I am going out to the place my son rests, but I feel as if I still need to make this place beautiful and something our family shows some sort of pride for considering the fact the person we luved more than life itself is resting there until the day of his resurrection. I had been contemplating this concept since I was told I had to say goodbye. Knowing this was the only real way I could show a small part of who he was and that he was loved. Sorta like a small legacy of him. I wasnt sure if I wanted a more "religious" feel to it considering we are LDS and thats a big part of who we are or go with what his intrests were that made up the other parts of who he was. As I thought of the past 8 yrs of his life and what he may have wanted I went with the latter...with a touch of religion as it needs to also display our faith a small bit. I incorporated the CTR shield he had earned as all children in our church do. Its a ring they wear that simply stands for Choose The Right. Its importance for us is equilivant to the WWJD bracelets others wear. But at 8 they recieve this as a ring so they have a constant visual reminder to make good choices since there approaching there baptism time. Nathans excitment to recieve this small but important token was one he took seriously. He wanted to make good choices which as a mother brings me great joy. So the shield is on the back of his stone along with an etching of the cub scout patch. I've talked before about how much he loved scouts. And his love for his leaders and friends he was getting to know better through this amazing program. It seemed fitting to put that emblem along side the shield since he just turned 8 and was baptized and he'd just become of age to begin scouts and his troop was one lead by leaders in our church. On the front side I made this his intrest side where his picture we displayed at the funeral will be lazer etched in dark grey which will be anamazing finished product. I saw an example of a 5x7 lazer etched picture with a boy who couldnt b older than 5/6 in his pj's. Upon seeing this my heart stopped and i had to remind myself to breathe this was my sign in some way I had to do this with Nathans photo no matter the costs. Im extremely excited to see how this turns out. The base is granite blk and will be sculpted to look like a long rectangle lego and the upright rectangle headstone will rest on top and will display his beatiful picture and birth and death dates and just underneath I hope to put "Families are Forever" since we fully expect to be together beyond this life. To the right and left side will be seperate etching of the lego star wars figures yoda and darth vader...he luved playin lego star wars on our wii and I also burried him in lego star wars Pj's his fav. The figures will have there light sabers drawn as if in battle stance and the sabers about to make contact. I hope to illuminate the sabers the apporiate colors green and red with solor lighting. It'll be an awesome visual effect and be a small night light. You could also take a good vs evil look at the design concept as well, but to be honest that idea wasn't the reason for this. Just turned out that way....intresting, huh? I think Nathan would look at that and say "wow mom thats awesome..." I think i did well with this idea and will have done him proud. The really sweet lady at the cemetary also offered, after i mentioned I have one child who still hasnt and cant go to the cementary yet, to make a tivot sized memory rock the kids could each do for there brother to keep out there. As a symbol of something they contributed. Could be a drawing a little note..she'll sand blast it and it will be an exact replica of what they drew or wrote. I was so amazed by her offer of generousity to do such a service to help in a small way heal our other children. To make it where something they did for there brother to leave out there and see each time they visit if they so choose. I'm also gonna cover his site with white rock so theres no dirt showing and put a cement bench out the foot of grave so i can sit somewhere instead of on a blanket i take out there. Geoff and I also purchased the spots on either side of Nathan so we can be laid to rest by our son when our life ends. This has been a day i'll always remember and with great satisfaction can say it will be a memorial headstone tribute to remember for a boy that has touched everyone he knew...